What is self confidence and self esteem?
There is a difference between the two although it may not be that obvious on face value, here this will be explored further.
Self confidence is the belief in your ability and what you can do for example, at work. It is shown outwardly, so others see this. You would have heard people talk about how confident someone appears. This is someone else’s perception of that person. Feeling confident at work is possible as it is an environment that skills and experience are needed, which can offer something to project out for others to see. It is possible to boost your self confidence as well as your self esteem.
Self esteem is how you see yourself and your belief in yourself and your achievements (past, present and potentially future) and how you value yourself. How we feel about ourselves then influences how we behave and how we in turn interact with others. People with low self esteem find it hard to see their worth and value just for being them. Because of this, it may be that they feel they need to strive, be busy, achieve more and more or have things around them that others may be impressed by as a way of being liked or not being rejected by others.
Boosting your self esteem is possible and means that you are less likely to worry about what others think of you, depend on others to feel good about yourself, show less fear about possibly being rejected from others and not want to take risks as this may feel too unfamiliar. It may also be that you compare yourself less to others or are less worried about other peoples’ opinions and judgement of you.
Start small by maybe going somewhere new for a walk, wearing a colour not worn before or trying a new flavour of crisp. Pushing yourself gently out of your comfort zone can give you a boost if it is manageable and at a pace that suits you. Let go of self criticism, as this can have a negative impact on your well-being and further dampen the view of yourself. Self criticism is different to self motivation, the latter is encouraging however, the former can be detrimental to our mental health. Talk to yourself as you would a friend, offer yourself reassurance, write down things or remind yourself of things that you are good at and have done well.
Recognise when things go well and try not to gloss over them. At times we latch on to what did not go so well and focus on this. So, to bring about some balance also think about positive experiences and achievements. Take compliments from others and give out compliments to others as it shows you have noticed something about them such as a quality or a kind gesture. Having supportive people around you may also be useful as you may have a connection with them and they may offer reassurance and validate your feelings.
Counselling offers a safe place for you to explore how you really feel without having to please anyone or hide your true feelings. It is a space to prioritise yourself and your needs without judgement or rejection.